IPL FOR DUMMIES

            Don’t let the title mislead you! This is not a self-help blog to decipher the nuances of Indian Premier League T20 Cricket or navigate through the maze of IPL jargon.  May be a more appropriate title would be ‘Dummies and the IPL’.  So now that you are suitably unimpressed, adventurous enough and more importantly, if you don’t mind wasting a few more minutes of your life, do proceed further, by all means.

            When everyone is gripped by the IPL fever, I thought it the right topic to write about.  What a cunning move to garner maximum readership!! (Did I hear you snigger?)  But a little problem confronted me-should I not know cricket (not the six-legged variety) in order to write about it?  I bolstered my self-confidence by recalling the words of wisdom, that no one who feared the waves ever found a pearl and plunged into my task.

            I decided to equip myself with at least a rudimentary knowledge of cricket.  What better way than to watch the IPL3 matches?  I was glued to the television set keeping track of the teams. Within a week I was familiar with the colors of the teams ranging from sunflower yellow to hideous purple, not to speak of the golden pads and silver gloves.  I was an encyclopedia of knowledge about the team-owners and their sartorial styles. I started waiting eagerly for the off-field cat-fight between Ms. Kat and Ms. Deeps who were both promoting the same team.  I knew all about the hands-on (!) style of Ms. Zinta and the aloof hands-off style of Ms. Shetty in supporting their respective teams.  Priety pranced about all over the field jumping up and down like a yo-yo all the time and giving out ear drum-splitting screams resembling the battle cry of a T. Rex.  In complete contrast was Shilpa who chose to sit demurely beside her richie-rich hubby displaying her fashionable shades and other random accessories and diamonds the size of rocks which our very own Chandrayaan brought from the moon, her sound-bite never progressing beyond a giggle.

            After a week, I sought the help of my friend to bolster my attempts at mastering cricket.  After all, there is strength in numbers.  So, it was a combined effort thereafter.  But sadly, no two women agree on anything.  So, as we sat drooling over Dhoni’s biceps, we had our eternal arguments about whose curls were wilder-was it Malinga or Murali, who had the highest cuteness factor-was it Lee or Gilly, and in between, trying to spot the similarities between the Pathan brothers.  We derived sadistic pleasure in choosing the teams for the last two spots-would it be the Rajasthan Royals, Kolkata Knight Riders or the Kings XI Punjab?  Two weeks just flew by in a haze of fours and sixers. 

            So what if I haven’t mastered cricket?  When the commentator says that Harbhajan has bowled a maiden over, I know that he isn’t referring to a Bollywood starlet.  I may not know what fine leg/square leg/leg break/leg bye mean, but I do know they are not anatomical references.  I know enough not to think dirty when I hear about the Asking Rate.  I’m quite happy with my progress so far.  There are a few more weeks to go for the grand finale of the IPL Season 3.  By then I’m confident I will update my knowledge and know for a fact how many swigs of Kingfisher beer Dr. Mallya takes during every match, if not what the googlies/yorkers/bouncers mean!!